Just a warning, this one may include some very heavy topics, so you might want to not read it
So uh... I quit my job last week. It wasn't leading me anywhere, and believe me, Im feeling way better being out of that hell hole, but like... Life isn't gonna be fair now. Not that it was ever fair to begin with, mind you; but now.... well, I wont have any money to my name (besides maybe the very few that I already have saved up). Ugh, for me it isn't a big problem, it's more so... having to hear my parents complain about it. I thought they'd be at my side, especially after I told them how much the company mistreated me, but... all they can think about is money.
They've started to tease me with talks like "Well, sure, but that means you won't have the money necessary to go out with your friends" or "Good luck buying anything now, your 'easy life' is done for" which is just... uncalled for.
Well, I know what you're thinking 'Well skull, why dont ya just get another job?' Well... it ain't that easy. Not only is it not season, me being a minor with no knowledge of... anything useful, it kinda... makes it impossible. Being good at "drawing with a mouse" and "trying to be a good friend" doesn't exactly translate to hiring material...; At most I'd be able to say that im fluent in english... but that has become more of a requirement than a person-seller...
Ugh, and knowing that my situation job-wise isn't gonna get any better doesn't help; I want a job That requires a lot of knowledge and study, but... I'll never be able to enter an university. I come from a low income family, so putting myself in one is gonna be only through state provided exams... which are really competitive, with others from all over the country coming to compete for... idk, 200 places at most? I got no shot...
Im just... tired of living. If living life is just about stufying to make money to maybe afford a house if youre lucky... ugh, well, it isn't w a life worth living. Coming from a third world coutnry as well makes my life considerably more painful; a place where minimum salary isn't enough to live by, to buy food, and a place where our currency gets more and more devalued by the second...
I wish I could leave here... but I can't. Not only because i'm a minor, but also because i got no money to travel, no passport... no nothing. And like... assuming I did leave... what now? it doesnt improve my chances of getting work; If nothing else, it decreases it! So now I'm just here... stuck in a limbo where I wanna just end it because I know I don't have a future...
Struggling with money, barely eating, not socializing.... idk, Google tells me those are signs of depression. There's nothing I can do about it, my parents refuse to take me to a doctor, so... All I can do is.... nothing, Keep breathing I suppose, but even that I dont wanna do...
I dont know why I keep trying to be anywhere/anyone in life, it's against me; Everyone seems so much better off than me, be in it social media, or in life. If they have less than me, they are certainly a lot happier... Why am I not happy ever? Why do I keep typing instead of doing it? Truth is... Im scared of what's beyond. Im not a religious person, but... what if I just end it? Sure, the pain will stop, but like... it'lll generate more pain to others, right? If nothing else, at least it'll hurt my parents pockets having to do an entire funeral, that is if they find the body...
I'll... stop talking now. This is way too much for one day.
On a Discord server I'm on, we got this one channel called "funny-quotes"; a place to put all the random crap we say, that, out of context, sounds funny.
Pretty 'normal' so far, right? Well, they decided to make a little competition on whoever said the funniest thing last year. Now, something to understand is that I've been in the server for... oh, idk, like, 4-5 weeks? That is not enough time to expect anything from, right? While there are a few quotes of mine there, no one would expect someone like me to win.
Yet, here I stand; Crowned the 'Laugh Master'. I absolutely have no idea on what exactly I did, there was a lot of very harsh competition.
Sometimes it feels like they only did it because they know it would make me happy, not because it was funny.
Either way, I have been chosen (by a cat, mind you). As a reward, I got a special role for a few months + a £10 steam gift card... Which I'll probably ask if they can donate the money to some charity, I really don't need it.
I'm writing this from my smartphone, so sorry if it's a bit weirdly written.
I'm currently on my way back from the trip. It was dreadful, as always. I like my grandpa, even though he can get a bit crazy every once in a while, but I simply dislike going to his farm. There's always nothing to do there.
Sure, there are a few animals, but that's kinda it. Even the nearby city has almost nothing of interest. Most stores are clothing stores, which just make it a pain to actually go there for nothing. Not to count the extreme weather that can happen; There's only ever 2 climates: freezing cold or Egg-frying hot.
I'm glad to be back home soon, actually enjoying my free day from work.
To those that celebrate it, happy Christmas; For those that don't, I hope the weekend has served you well, as well as the entire year.
This is Skull, signing out
So, the last one was a bit too.... "hearty", so instead I'm gonna share something slightly more fun: my recipe for some tuna-mayo sandwiches!
This should make around 40-50 sandwiches, depending on how much you put into each one.
The Ingredients:
You'll also need: a spatula, something to mix (like a spoon), a bowl and a colander.
The Preparation:
And there ya go, some nice tuna-mayo sandwiches. It's a simple recipe, and I think that's what makes it so good!
Hey there. It's been an odd 8-10 months, hasn't it? I'm not even sure if the people who this is meant for are even still out there, or if they'll ever see this. This message is meant for those who I played with all that time ago.
I hope life has been doing you well throughout this time. I thought I'd create this post to apologize to everyone because of my past actions. I acted.... uh, terribly, to say the least. I made the only people that still believed in me completely give up, making me a 'lost cause'.
All I want is to apologize since then. I was a pessimist to the highest degree, to the point of almost masochism. My intention was never to hurt anyone's feelings, and I paid that with the highest degree; I wasn't able to talk to almost anyone for 2 months, and I haven't been able to create the courage to make many friendships since then.
I'd like to think I've improved since then. I'm not going to lie to you; I'm still a bit of a pessimist, but at least I try to keep it to myself. Since then, I have gotten a job, and it made me notice that I'm not so useless, or even annoying.
... Also, yeah, looking back, what I said was stupid. Of course online friends are still friends. It's not how you connect; it's why you connect to others, the means don't really matter, as long as it's respectful, something I didn't follow back then.
I know this apology is... like, really late; 8 months late, at least, but I do mean what I mean here. I'm sorry for what I did back then, and while I'm not sure if anyone of you will ever read this, I feel more at peace being able to close this truama of mine, to actually say 'sorry', for once.
This is Skull, signing out.